On this day in 1814, the Pilgrims came together to celebrate the season's last harvest. In their small community, they set up several tents and prepared a dinner that included venison, onions, corn and lobsters.
While most people believe that the Pilgrims invited the local native Americans to their celebration, it is false. The 'Indians' actually were hired as the 'help'. Their instructions were to serve drinks and refill the butter dishes.
Ok, most of that is not true. They did not eat lobster on the first Thanksgiving. Regardless of what they ate, I thought the best way to honor their celebration was to drink an entire fifth of booze and go shopping at Wal*Mart. My shopping on this grand day would help those poor souls working to realize what a precious day with their families that they had missed.
I make it a strict habit to not drive while drunk, so my plan was to consume the entire fifth of Wild Turkey 101 while walking east on Sherman towards my local Wal*Mart. The weather was surprisingly warm for late November, the afternoon sun was bright when I started my trek and the Wild Turkey 101 booze had been transferred into an empty Arctic Blue Gator-aid bottle so as to not draw attention to my public imbibing.
Wild Turkey 101 is not one of your foo-foo booze brands, it is rough and burns like a mother fucker going down. My wife hates when I drink it because she says that it makes me 'shit house crazy'. But, I truly believed that if my bold Thanksgiving Wal*Mart event was to make a respectful impact with the day's hourly slaves, I would need the brain hammer that is Wild Turkey 101.
I passed the fenced country club and looked for real wild turkeys, but saw none. The hills reminded me that in a more inebriated state that the future return trip will be murder. I pressed on.
The final hill on Sherman was crowned with a McDonalds. At this point in my adventure, it was good time to remember that it was bad thing to forget to empty my bowels before drinking a fifth and venturing out on a long walk. My rules of life include no drinking and driving AND only paying customers get to use the restroom. I was turtle heading so the purchase would have to be made when I was done and my hands were washed.
Yea, I wrecked that joint. The evening before my wife had tried her hand at homemade Indian food and it really wanted to get out of my ass at that very moment. Surprisingly, it smelled the same coming out and I had new appreciation for the hard working men and women who took part in the Exxon Valdez clean up. Because, the poor schmuck who had to wipe the stall down as part of their minimum wage career will come very short in the work done and money made column. Shit was all over.
I cleaned myself up and left my soiled underpants in the restroom trash can. Maybe a selection from the dollar menu would soothe my bubbling nether regions. I got my McDouble to go. I did not want to be there eating when some guy came out of the men's room pointing fingers as to who did what and why there is profanity written in feces above the sink. No sir, my mission was to spend the day at Wal*Mart with Mr. Wild Turkey 101.
The dollar hamburger was tasty and coated my stomach with just enough fat to counteract the burning from the shrinking fifth that was my traveling companion. The Dominos Pizza I passed called out pretty fucking loudly. Nope, I have been dieting for over a year and pizza was a once a year treat that I only enjoyed sober and in New York. It hit me that I was getting hammered. Sloppy Hammered.
Maybe it was the combination of the booze, the walking and the afternoon chill in the air? The sun was beginning to slip behind the tree line and the temperature was dipping south. I thought that something warm in my belly may soak up the booze and make my journey easier, so I slipped passed the automatic doors at my local Plumb's Market.
I have written about Plumb's. They have great meat.
Meat was not on the menu this afternoon. A pack of six fresh baked cinnamon sticky buns from the bakery would do very nicely thank you! The cashier asked if I was 'ok', I said I was. But, I couldn't help but to think if she could tell I was a little tipsy. I knew she couldn't see my Gator-aid bottle half filled with Wild Turkey and I was not doing anything that a sober person would be doing. I was just buying a pack of sticky buns. It was when I had left the supermarket and was in the parking lot that I realized that my fly was open. No big thing except that I had left my soiled underpants in the trash can at the McDonalds. I was not only going commando, I was also trolling for queers with my fly wide open. The little man was out and getting some fresh air.
The mild embarrassment of having my twig and berries on public display was only relieved by the sweet warmth of cinnamon heaven and warm Wild Turkey. it was sheer luck that the cashier didn't call the cops on me.
The warmth only lasted to the parking lot of the bowling alley. The buns were done and I was beginning to sing every show tune from 'Chicago' that I knew. I thought it might be smart to go in and use the bowling alley as a warming station but they looked closed. They were. I guess pin monkeys get Thanksgiving off, go figure. So I continued east past the Wesco gas station.
I didn't make it past the Wesco.
The last thing I remember was trying to help a woman pump gas and then going inside to buy a lottery ticket. I must have passed out just after getting my Power Ball ticket because I woke up an hour ago in the passenger seat of my wife's car in the driveway of our house.
My wife is a fucking saint. She could have left me to freeze but she didn't She brought me home. And even though I gotta sleep in the back bed room tonight, I love her. Love is what thanksgiving is all about. Love the ones who love you and fuck those idiots who had to work today.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Drunk and phoning it in with a quick cut and paste...
From: Ms Jincy Myers <catlady01nunnery@aol.com>
Subject: PLEASE WILL YOU BE OF HELP
To:
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 11:55 PM
My Dear Friend,
I am lady of 29years old; I was given birth in Tottenham London. Am mixed race, my dad is a British while my mom a native of America and am the only kid of my folks. My parents died 3years ago in a fire outbreak in my dad's factory in Enfield road in London. Have not been married but I’ve been into so many relationships, which seems hurt to me and in which I was cheated. The problem I am into now was caused by my last EX-date.
Please read the attachment file for more details
__________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder <tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Re: PLEASE WILL YOU BE OF HELP
To: jincymyers@globomail.com
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 5:46 PM
Hello and welcom what updildo
Hello Miss Juicy Meyers..
I will be of help in any way that our lord jebus christ wills it to be. I read your mail but could not open the attaced file to read anymore. Please resend that part as i think jesus wants me to read it. I love the idea of being your sexual lover and would be happy to try and bring you to muskegon michigan. You could share my room in my mothers trailer.
Please i want to help you be mine for ever and i will love you to death
Love
Mr Topher WHATUP dldo Crowder
West Mi9chigan NAMBLA chapetr
_______________________________________
From: Jincy Myers <jincymyers@globomail.com>
Subject: Re: PLEASE WILL YOU BE OF HELP
To: "Topher Crowder" <tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net>
Date: Thursday, February 24, 2011, 6:48 AM
My Dear Topher,
I am lady of 29years old; I was given birth in Tottenham London. Am
mixed race, my dad is a British while my mom a native of America and
am the only kid of my folks. My parents died 3years ago in a fire
outbreak in my dad's factory in Enfield road in London. Have not been
married but I’ve been into so many relationships, which seems hurt to
me and in which I was cheated. The problem I am into now was caused by
my last EX-date.
I am out of the States now and I will like to discuss what brought me
here from the United States or your country. Before coming here, I
registered to search a date on a dating site www.match.com where I met
an African guy whom proved that he loves and he wants me. We talked
for 2 months and some weeks. The African guy convinced me to visit and
live with him pretending to Love me. Then I traveled down to Africa
and while I was coming, the African guy told me to come with enough
money for investment and I even went to the extent to sell my
inherited house just because I want to be with my spouse, I came in
here with a total sum of $4,500,000.00 with all the money I've gotten
from my Dad's business and sales of some properties, because the
African guy told me of an idea to investment in oil firms in his
country. When I got here, he made all possible means to get the money
from me; I refused because he has started acting funny with cruel
characters. Then when I noticed this, I took the money and my
traveling boxes and deposited it with a Security/Insurance Company
here in Africa in order to safe myself and my assets. I told them that
the two boxes are my traveling luggage, which I want to send forth to
U.S.A or your country because I’m returning home, then I paid them up
their custody and security fee, but I did not tell them that the boxes
contain money in order to make everything secure and safe.
Thereafter I left the guy's apartment to a hotel where I am in right
now and from which I am communicating with you now. Now, I'm in need
of your help, have gotten the enough money to run myself when I get to
the States or your country, I want to come over to your end and we can
start a new life together with all the money, I don't want to live
here anymore, you know I'm a foreigner here and it is absolutely
danger for me here, so that is why I need your gesture assistance. I
am hiding from him because he might kill me since I refuse him to have
access to my money after I discovered his interest is just to lay his
flirting hands on the money not love
How I want you to help me? I want the boxes sent to you while I catch
up with you as soon as it is been delivered to you while I come over
to meet you and we can start a business with the money or if you need
me to offer you percentage, then tell me. Every arrangement for the
delivery is kind a perfect, I have obtained customs papers for private
freight and there are seals on the boxes showing that it is a private
delivery and check performed, is free from customs checks, it will be
delivered at your door step by the diplomats of the security company,
you do not need to stress out to receive it. And the boxes have
security codes lock known to me only, only me can open the boxes,
except if I tell anyone the Code, so the Boxes cannot be opened on the
Way of delivery to you.
I am counting on you with trust and I will appreciate your trust
towards this and hoping to hear from you and to meet you in person.
Let me hear from you as soon as possible, so that I can give you the
deposit details and the contact of the security company to arrange the
shipment ASAP. And when the boxes get to you, you will send me some
money for my flight bill and hotel bills so that I can meet you over
there for sharing or to start a business relationship with the money.
I will wait for your response if you would be of help. Will you be of
help? This is not avenue to scheme or beg for arms but moment of been
real and transparent.
Please, contact me on this Email: jincymyers@globomail.com
Sincerely yours,
Jincy Myers
_________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder <tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: Re: PLEASE WILL YOU BE OF HELP
To: "Jincy Myers" <jincymyers@globomail.com>
Date: Thursday, February 24, 2011, 10:33 PM
Hello and what is updildo ms. juicy
Hello my girl friend ms juicey
I am glad you are writing me back. Sorry it took me a couple of day but one of our NAMBLA members brought a next door neighbor boy to the meeting last night and let me tell you I am so sore, plus we had to 'clean up'. Did you know it takes 3 briks to get a 10yo under the water?
OK OK my fun is over untill our next meeting.
I am so sorry to here that your parents died in a fire. I am sure they are with Jevus now, unless they were muslums. If they were muslums i bet they are in hellfire getting raped by pig men and broomsticks. I am hoping you are a good christian girl who believes jevus died for all of our sins. I am sorry to here you were swindled by match dot com. i too lost my membership money after signing up. seems that you have to be 'legal' and into face front genital entertainment (no dirt bike riding). They kicked me off and wont let me back in. One thing though...you say an african man swindled you. Are you a colored woman? I diodnt think english women were into dating coloreds, in fact i was told they shoot them at the border?
But i guess it doesnt mater wat color the man is that your love, the wang has no color in the dark..right? But i guess you could tell how big it was in the dark? Could love a man how is under normal in size? Not that i am, i can prove it with pictures if you want. I mean when i am next to a a very younger man (10), i look HUGE!!
OK OK i ramble, i am getting excited about helping your and meating you.
How can I help you?
Do you need me to send you anything?
Could you send me a photograph of you? I mean not for only me, but to show the guys at tthe meeting hall, they will not believe that i have a tender WHITE girl as a pen pal? Could you make the picture of you in a nice suntan sheer to the waste pantyhose? I love pantyhose and the thought of seeing you in them will make the dynomite go boom.
But write back at rell me wat exactly waht i need to do to get you out of trouble OK.
Waiting to hear from you soon.
Mr Topher whatup Dioldocrowder
Vice assoicate NAMBLE muskegon chapter
____________________________________
From: Ms Jincy Myers <msjincymyers29@globomail.com>
To: Tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net
Sent: Tue, March 1, 2011 6:29:32 AM
Subject: Re: RE,Pls Will you be of help
My Dear Topher Crowder,
How are you doing today? I just got your email. I will really
appreciate your help and rely on you to help me. All you have to do,
you will write to the security company as my Friend, you will inform
them to have my traveling boxes sent to you. Find attachment is my
photograph. While contacting them, you do not need to tell them that
the boxes contain money, because I told them the boxes are my
traveling luggage’s, which contain my clothes, jewelries and personal
apparels which am sending to my Friend and the boxes are locked with
keys, so, only me have access to the boxes. Only you and I knew about
the money in the boxes. So, it would be delivered safely to you.
When you are contacting them by email or telephone, give them the
deposit details below and let them know the delivery address as well.
Dear, ask them how much it will cost for the clearance and shipment
charge, and when the boxes get to you, i will let you know the
instruction to open the boxes, and you can send me some money for my
flight and hotel bills here so that I can leave here to meet you over
there and we could arrange everything together.I am counting on you,
do not disappoint me, Nigeria men are full of cheats, they are not
worth loving
Dear, please, you shall help me pay for the Clearance and Shipment of
the boxes, and when the boxes get to you, I will let you know how to
open the boxes, and send me money from the boxes for my flight and
hotel bills here, so that i can leave here to meet you and we can
setup things together. You will never regret the help you are
rendering to me. I don’t want you to labor any negative thinking ok
rather be transparent so that we conclude in good faith.
Below are the deposit details:
Deposit Number: FAC-O576-PLG45
Sort/Clearance Code: FAC/576-45/MP56 33
Deposit Certificate #: MPL-FAC-405576
Consignment Description: 2 Traveling Boxes
Depositor: Ms Jincy Myers
Contact of Security Company
Company: Global Fleet Security Company
Agent of United Nation Cargo Airline
Contact Person: Mr Rawlings Moore
Contact Email: glofscompany@ymail.com
Contact Tel: +234-8059390985 let me know when you write to the
security company. I hope all is well with you; I can't wait to meet
you. Waiting for your response.
Sincerely yours,
Ms Jincy Myers
__________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder <tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net>
To: Ms Jincy Myers <msjincymyers29@globomail.com>
Sent: Wed, March 2, 2011 5:23:37 PM
Subject: Re: RE,Pls Will you be of help
hello anf what up dildo my tender lady freind.
Hello Ms Juicy
I am so glad you are writing me back. I saw the photos you sent. I am so glad you are a white girl. My mother will be proud of me if we are to be come a couple. Although i didnt see any sheer to the waist pantyhose on your legs, if you could indulge me on that please on your next photos. There was mone photo that did cause a boom goest the dynomite moment that allowed me to ruin a whole drawer of athletic soxs. I kept it to a low moan because mother becomes mad when she catches me rubbing one out to either photographs or a well worn pair of sheer to waste pantyhose.
OK OK lets get down to the busines of getting you bent over and taking like a blind teenaged hore. I wll not tell ANYONE about you bags of money. That will be our tender secret that we share together. I cant wate for us to spread that money out on our bed so we can tenderly make love on it.
Do you want me to cantact the security company and ask them to release your money bags? Will i need to pay any deposits? If so i would be very happy to mail you a box of money that i have collected from east michigan NAMBLA dues. I was able to get reimbursed a little extra because of an problem we had last month when one of our members brought one of his next door neighbor boys. The little brat put up quite a fight but we were able to take care of himm with out much of a mess.
OKOK write me back if you want me to type a nice letter and send it to Mr. Rawlings Assmoore at the security company. I can write it very nice soand take care of any depostis to get our money back my sweety.
Also really try to send me a photo of you enjoying a pair of sheer to waste pantyhose....i wont show it to mother and it will be our little secret.
Again, let me know if i should contact the secrity company for our sweet sweet money you little slut hoor.
I cant wate till you write again. I am sure the scabs wuill have fallen off and i will beable to enjoy myself quite handily on the next set of photos (sheer to waste)
My love and your little scabby dirtbike rider
Mr. Topher whatup Dildo crowder
vice president east muskegon NAMBLA chapter
Saturday, November 3, 2012
A blast from the past...My "Best Of" emails!
FREE AFRICAN GOLD!!!
From: Habib .a.Nurudine [mailto:habianudin@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2010 10:47 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: [Bulk] LETTER FROM MR. HABIB .A. NURUDINE.
My name is Mr. Habib Nurudine., This message might meet you in utmost surprise, However, Its just my urgent need for a foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction, I am a banker by profession from Africa Development Bank, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso/ WESTERN PART OF AFRICA.
I am currently holding the post of a director auditing and accounting section of the bank, Permit my intention to solicit for your mutual support / cooperation to claim and transfer some huge amount of cash from a domiciliary account with my profession.
Full details regarding all modalities for the smooth claim and transfer of the total cash successfully shall be furnished to you upon the receipt of your reply mail and information’s below.
If you are interested, kindly forward your personal information’s as follows.-
Address.-
Telephone / Fax number.-
Marital Status.-
Copy of your picture.-
Profession.-
Age.-
Sex.-
Country.-
Your" urgent respond needed as soon as possible.
Sincerely yours,
Mr. Habib Nurudine
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2010 9:25 PM
To: 'habianudin@hotmail.com'
Subject: RE: [Bulk] LETTER FROM MR. HABIB .A. NURUDINE.
Oh prase jebus and toot the horn of money.
Hello Mr habib ass nurudine and what up dildo?
I want to tell you how happy I am to here that I am about to receive a large sum of money. Let me tell you that I am in great need of some money for this holiday season. Do the chocolate men in Africa have Christmas to celebrate the birth of our tender white lord and savior? If my choa choa man friend does have Christmas in remberence of the baby jesus then I welcome you and will pray with you. Oh man do I need jesus money today. Mother and I have had some hard times due to me forcing mother to quit her telephone entertainment job. I felt that she was enjoying her job to much and I was having to do too much laundry from her over use of the dish towls. She is a large woman and would tend to get overly excited duing work hours. I started to refuse to give her her sponge baths as she was overly excited and would begin touching my adult areas. With out her working amd me being layd of from my job as head commishioner at the east Muskegon NAMBLA library and recruitment center, we are very close to getting kicked out of our trailer.
OK OK enough about me and my sweet mother.
How much money am I expected to get? Is it more than a thousand dollars?
What do I need to do to get tyhis money?
Can I get this money without mother knowing about it (I could kill her if need be)
I will be sending you my payplal password so you can put the money in my bank.
If this does fall through, would you be interested in being pen pals?
Do you want a membership in NAMBLA?
Would you want to purchase some spicy photographs?
Well let me know what I need to send you and I will look forward to hearing from my chocolate man friend. Does my chocolate man friend come with nuts? (joke)
Love and friendhip in jesus
Mr. Topher Whatup DildoCrowder
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Friday, December 24, 2010 8:51 AM
To: tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net
Subject: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Actually, i which i was to be told to act as the next of kin so that kind of huge money-LIKE INHERITAGE would be transferred into me, it looks good and interesting to me.
Good day., Mr. Topher.
I received you return email,
Lets ahead forward,
1** We are subjected to share out from the money-----60% for me, 40% for you!
2** Actually this fund is not just a fund but lots of Us dollars meaning we both should be swimming on top of too much money only if you will come in as the only remain next of kin that survived from the Atlanta air craft accident.
3** The bank is going to bring you into three conditions and if you are able to comfort the bank by producing all of this needs then the fund will be approved before transferred to you; on this condition.- you should know that you are working for me! so you as for order and take instructions from me before responding to the bank in regard to this claim.
4** Yes ofcause, Do not hunt mother for she is responsible for your good health up till this moment! you are not subjected to pass any kind of human this information because if the world knows about it when the fund is yet not transferred to you i.e i will entirely jail in prison for the rest of my life by my country, so you must know that it's one of your personal TOP SECRET.
5** Get this right, i don't have any business with your bank, but as soon as you apply to my bank you shall be told to forward every of your receivers information to the management; OK?
6** lets be of good courage so that we archive our goals!
7** Mr. Topher, you have my needs with you, look over the letter i sent you earlier my request is wildly written there.
I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Your urgent response needed as soon as possible
Warm regard,
Mr. Habib Ali Nurudine.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Saturday, December 25, 2010 12:17 AM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND PRAY FOR THE WELCOME OF OUR WHITE LORD BABY JESUS
I can not believe you replied and am looking forward to hearing from my African chocolate money man with nuts (I hope)
Whatup dildo Mr habib ass nurudine?
What kind of name is Habib nurudine? Are you of true African heritage? Is it true what they say about African men…do you really have large adult areas? I have never seen a chocolate mans areas, being the commishioner of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recroutment center, I have only seen unripened boy-fruit. Talking about the fruit of loins is making me hungery if you know what I mean. If mother was asleep I would probably be rubbing one out on the couch right now. I think I can hold it though and will enjoy some warm egg man nog later after we get done with our business.
1: how much money are we talking about hear and I will need more that %40…I will need %50. The Allen Ginsberg memorial what up dildo NAMBLA recruitment and massage center will not be built on hope and change.
2: You speak of next of kin, are they my next of kin and are the white or chocolate? I only ask because me and my mother are white…she has her share of the sweet sweet chocolate man syrup but the man chowder that made me was from a white man. Im sure it doesn’t matter, I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you see my adult area. It is not huge, but looks bigger than most small men that I have seen.
3: I AM WORKING FOR YOU…I like that ring of those words. I will be your little white slave and will do anything you ask. I will not tell the bank or even my mother.
4: I WILL NOT KILL MY MOTHER YET..i am prepared if you ask though. I haven’t told her yet and am hoping to surprise her with the money. Speaking of money, can I get my money before January 23? We are to be kicked out of our trailer home on the 23rd if we cant pay our rent. Mothger isn’t working and my spicy NAMBLA photos are not selling as well as they should (unless you want to buy some). So I NEED THE MONEY BUY THE JANUARY 23.
5: send me the infor mation to apply with your bank, what do you needs from me.
6: YES LETS BE GOOD OF COURAGE
7: WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME TO GET THIS MONEY FOR MY WHAT UPDILDO nambla LIBRARY?
Merry Christmas my chocolate man with tender nuts. Do you have a photograph of you that you can use for the NAMBLA membership card. Please send me a photograph!!
It doesn’t have to be below the waste or of your chocolate loin fruit, (that would be nce though)
Things I will need:
1: %50 of the money (to cover you NAMBLA membership)
2: a photograph of you for the membership newsletter
3: How many spicy photographs do you want to buy?
4: The bank address to send the spicy photos and the NAMBLA newsletter
5: all the mony by January 23.
I look forward to a loving tender relations ship with my chocolate African man friend (with nuts)
If you are a Christian, merry Christmas and celebrate the birth of our tender white lord. If you are not a Christian well then you should get back to raping small animals then.
MERY CHRISTMAS
MR. Topher Whatup DildoCrowder.
Vice President and Head Recruiter for the East Muskegon NAMBLA chapter
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Monday, December 27, 2010 5:34 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: Re: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Merry Christmas and New year in advance Mr Topher.
I have head you, by your serious active move this fund should be transferred to you in tow weeks time starting from the day the bank respond to you submitted application as the next of kin.
Gentleman i can only advice you to little bet slow down by your request, you see i still yet have not received your information's; because of this i can't feed you with every details! until i receive your information's that is where i can now bring every necessary details to you so that you know how to follow-up with the bank.
I am sorry my dear partner, for further request you my have to send your information's before any automatic response.
These are your personal information's needed
I repeat if you are interested, kindly forward your personal information’s as follows.-
Full name.-
Address.-
Telephone / Fax number.-
Marital Status.-
Copy of your picture
Profession.-
Age.-
Sex.-
Country.-
Anticipating your response Mr. Topher.
Thanks,
Mr. Habib Nurudine.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2010 12:50 AM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Whatup dildo and merry Christmas. I hope you will have avery happy new year.
Hello, mr Habid assnurudine
How did you celebrate the birth of tender white baby jesus? Did you get all that you had wished for? I hope my chocolate man friend with big nuts got everything he wished for. I wish I had been under your tree Christmas morning. Maybe after I get my %50 we could run away together to some warn sunny sandy beach? Wouldn’t that be fun. Would you enjoy having me on a warm sandy beach all to yourself. Man, I have to stop that talk because I am getting tingly down there and I don’t want to wake mother.
I did as you instructed and have NOT killed mother YET. I will wait until you say so. I fear she may want some of my money and I don’t want to share. I will be happy to pay off the rent on our trailer house but that is it. She can go back to being a telephone entertainer and taking the neighbor men for rides in her bedroom, but I want to be with you on that sandy beach tasting your chocolate loin fruit.
What did you get for Christmas? Mother got me a bag of new sweat soxs, the ones that are smooth and don’t burn my adult areas when I pleasure myself. I also got a new library pass, I don’t know how mother did it. I thought I was banned for life. (They didn’t like me Xeroxing the NAMBLA newsletter there). You still haveint sent me you photograph for the NAMBLA newsletter and your membership card, I will need to have that soon.
OK OK lets get down to buisines before mother wakes up to relieve her self. She ate an entire canned ham and has the winds something fierce. I mean I had to open the windows because it smells so bad and its so cold out. I hope she hasn’t messed herself in bed, I am too frightened to check and I don’t want to wake her. I hope she hasent pooed on my side of the bed, that would be bad.
OK OK business time.
1: Full name: Mr. Topher Whatup Dildo Crowder
2: Full Address: 3162 Boltwood Trailer Number 12 by the water treatment pond
3: Phone number (I DON’T HAVE A FAX): 1-586-770-8536 ask for George
4: Marital Status: I am swinging single and ready for loving buy my new chocolate man friend
5: Copy of you picture: I have included one from the NAMBLA newsletter
6: Profesion: I am Vice President of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recruitement and massage center
6: Age: I am a boyish 48 years old (I hope you like older menz)
7: Sex: ALL MAN
8: country: united states of America and home to the tender president obama (did you know his father?)
NOW I WILL NEED SOME THINGS FROM YOU
1: YOUR PHOTOGRAPH FOR THE NAMBLA NEWS LETTER
2: YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN MAIL YOU YOUR NAMBLA MEMBERSHIP CARD.
THANK YOU and tender kisses to me chocolate man friend.
Here is wishing you a happy new year and whatup dildo.
Mr Topher whatup dildo crowder
Vice president of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recruitment and massage center
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2010 4:35 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: SEE ATTACH
Good day Topher.
I received your mail. this is very interesting, now convinced to be of trust with you.
SEE ATTACHED fillin the text of application and submit it to the bank by using the below E-mail address to contact the bank!
Note; from the moment you contact the bank whatever mail you receive as return from the bank forward to me so that i can advice you of how you are to respond in other for you not to make mistakes, also if you receive any invitation mail or litter similar to my please do not respond!!!! because the bank is going to put you on test to know if you were been told of this inheritance.
Thanks,
Mr. Habib Ali Nurudine.
Below is the bank contact.-
adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 3:05 PM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Cc: 'adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Hello and whatup dildo
Heloo and merry new year my chocolate man friend with huge salty nuts that probably taste like candy from sweet baby jesus.
OK OK, I got the attached letter. And I am trying my best to fill out all the needed info in a chance to get all my money before January 23 and mother and I are kicked out of our trailer.
But I have ran into a problem. I was getting some photos developed at our local market (spicy photos) and the girl printing my photos didn’t like wat I was doing (she is not a big art fan). She called the police and I had to spend my new years weekend in jail. Mother had to make a few appointments with some of the men at the trailer park to gain the money to get me out of jail. Mother says her jaw will be sore for weeks and I need to move out unless I get a job or find some money to pay her back. So I had to sell some of my NAMBLA magazine collection and sell my computer printer to pay some of her money back. Man, I hope this money you have promised me gets here soon…she is being mean to me. She wont let me sleep in our bed and is making me give her 3 sponge baths EVER DAY!!! You give me the word and I will KILL HER!!!! Please tell me it is all right to kill her!!
MR. HABIB I want to run away with you and away from all my toubles. Tell me you love me and want to be with me. I want to have tender man sex with you on a warm beach or in a sleeping bag. Tell me you want me inside of you.
I will do my best to fill out all the paperwork and send it as soon as possib;le. Please tell me you love me.
I love you and want to taste your loin fruit.
Happy new year my chocolate man love
Mr. Topher Whatup Dildo Crowder
Assistant vice president of the east Muskegon NAMBLA chapter
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 5:08 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: Re: SEE ATTACH
You idiot!!! you email the bank that i employed you to come reach out to the bank as the next of kin
now i am in big trouble right here in my country, i can only say weldone for the idiotic attitude of yours
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 8:17 PM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Oh my and whatup dildo?
OH OH OH I AM SO SORRY. PLEASE DO NOT BE MAD AT ME. I was only trying to help. I am so sorry. What can I do to fix the problem. Can I send another letter to the bank saying that it is not about the money? I could say that we are lovers and that we were fightimng. Please I want to help because I really need the money. Mother has made me sell all my NAMBLA magazines and my computer printer and my Atari game. She says I still owe her A LOT of money for getting me out of jail on new years weekend. Please, my chocolate man, let me help and get this money. Don’t leave me alone and cold. I want you inside me.
Please mr. chocolate man with tasty nuts…let me help.
If it means killing my mother I WILL so we can be together. Just say the word I will do ANYTHING.
Also, could you send another bank form to fill out? I lost my copy somewhere in the trailer? I think mother stole it!!!!!
Please don’t shut me out…
Mr topher whatup dildpo crowder
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 8:25 PM
To: 'adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr'
Cc: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Hell and whatup dildo?
Hello Mr. Bank man.
Mr. Habib Ass Nurudine asked me to contact you in regards to a letter I sent to you in error. I beg you to believe that it was a BIG mistake. You see Mr. Habib and myself have know each other since childhood and we are lovers. He and I love each other and I love him. He is like a brother to me…a loving chocolate brother with salty nuts. Please help us!!! Please work with him and allow him into my heart again. I fear he is mad at me and that I have lost his love. I can not live with out his moist throbbing love.
Please help me and my chocolate lover
Mr. Topher whatup dildo crowder
From: Habib .a.Nurudine [mailto:habianudin@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2010 10:47 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: [Bulk] LETTER FROM MR. HABIB .A. NURUDINE.
My name is Mr. Habib Nurudine., This message might meet you in utmost surprise, However, Its just my urgent need for a foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction, I am a banker by profession from Africa Development Bank, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso/ WESTERN PART OF AFRICA.
I am currently holding the post of a director auditing and accounting section of the bank, Permit my intention to solicit for your mutual support / cooperation to claim and transfer some huge amount of cash from a domiciliary account with my profession.
Full details regarding all modalities for the smooth claim and transfer of the total cash successfully shall be furnished to you upon the receipt of your reply mail and information’s below.
If you are interested, kindly forward your personal information’s as follows.-
Address.-
Telephone / Fax number.-
Marital Status.-
Copy of your picture.-
Profession.-
Age.-
Sex.-
Country.-
Your" urgent respond needed as soon as possible.
Sincerely yours,
Mr. Habib Nurudine
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2010 9:25 PM
To: 'habianudin@hotmail.com'
Subject: RE: [Bulk] LETTER FROM MR. HABIB .A. NURUDINE.
Oh prase jebus and toot the horn of money.
Hello Mr habib ass nurudine and what up dildo?
I want to tell you how happy I am to here that I am about to receive a large sum of money. Let me tell you that I am in great need of some money for this holiday season. Do the chocolate men in Africa have Christmas to celebrate the birth of our tender white lord and savior? If my choa choa man friend does have Christmas in remberence of the baby jesus then I welcome you and will pray with you. Oh man do I need jesus money today. Mother and I have had some hard times due to me forcing mother to quit her telephone entertainment job. I felt that she was enjoying her job to much and I was having to do too much laundry from her over use of the dish towls. She is a large woman and would tend to get overly excited duing work hours. I started to refuse to give her her sponge baths as she was overly excited and would begin touching my adult areas. With out her working amd me being layd of from my job as head commishioner at the east Muskegon NAMBLA library and recruitment center, we are very close to getting kicked out of our trailer.
OK OK enough about me and my sweet mother.
How much money am I expected to get? Is it more than a thousand dollars?
What do I need to do to get tyhis money?
Can I get this money without mother knowing about it (I could kill her if need be)
I will be sending you my payplal password so you can put the money in my bank.
If this does fall through, would you be interested in being pen pals?
Do you want a membership in NAMBLA?
Would you want to purchase some spicy photographs?
Well let me know what I need to send you and I will look forward to hearing from my chocolate man friend. Does my chocolate man friend come with nuts? (joke)
Love and friendhip in jesus
Mr. Topher Whatup DildoCrowder
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Friday, December 24, 2010 8:51 AM
To: tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net
Subject: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Actually, i which i was to be told to act as the next of kin so that kind of huge money-LIKE INHERITAGE would be transferred into me, it looks good and interesting to me.
Good day., Mr. Topher.
I received you return email,
Lets ahead forward,
1** We are subjected to share out from the money-----60% for me, 40% for you!
2** Actually this fund is not just a fund but lots of Us dollars meaning we both should be swimming on top of too much money only if you will come in as the only remain next of kin that survived from the Atlanta air craft accident.
3** The bank is going to bring you into three conditions and if you are able to comfort the bank by producing all of this needs then the fund will be approved before transferred to you; on this condition.- you should know that you are working for me! so you as for order and take instructions from me before responding to the bank in regard to this claim.
4** Yes ofcause, Do not hunt mother for she is responsible for your good health up till this moment! you are not subjected to pass any kind of human this information because if the world knows about it when the fund is yet not transferred to you i.e i will entirely jail in prison for the rest of my life by my country, so you must know that it's one of your personal TOP SECRET.
5** Get this right, i don't have any business with your bank, but as soon as you apply to my bank you shall be told to forward every of your receivers information to the management; OK?
6** lets be of good courage so that we archive our goals!
7** Mr. Topher, you have my needs with you, look over the letter i sent you earlier my request is wildly written there.
I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Your urgent response needed as soon as possible
Warm regard,
Mr. Habib Ali Nurudine.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Saturday, December 25, 2010 12:17 AM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND PRAY FOR THE WELCOME OF OUR WHITE LORD BABY JESUS
I can not believe you replied and am looking forward to hearing from my African chocolate money man with nuts (I hope)
Whatup dildo Mr habib ass nurudine?
What kind of name is Habib nurudine? Are you of true African heritage? Is it true what they say about African men…do you really have large adult areas? I have never seen a chocolate mans areas, being the commishioner of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recroutment center, I have only seen unripened boy-fruit. Talking about the fruit of loins is making me hungery if you know what I mean. If mother was asleep I would probably be rubbing one out on the couch right now. I think I can hold it though and will enjoy some warm egg man nog later after we get done with our business.
1: how much money are we talking about hear and I will need more that %40…I will need %50. The Allen Ginsberg memorial what up dildo NAMBLA recruitment and massage center will not be built on hope and change.
2: You speak of next of kin, are they my next of kin and are the white or chocolate? I only ask because me and my mother are white…she has her share of the sweet sweet chocolate man syrup but the man chowder that made me was from a white man. Im sure it doesn’t matter, I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you see my adult area. It is not huge, but looks bigger than most small men that I have seen.
3: I AM WORKING FOR YOU…I like that ring of those words. I will be your little white slave and will do anything you ask. I will not tell the bank or even my mother.
4: I WILL NOT KILL MY MOTHER YET..i am prepared if you ask though. I haven’t told her yet and am hoping to surprise her with the money. Speaking of money, can I get my money before January 23? We are to be kicked out of our trailer home on the 23rd if we cant pay our rent. Mothger isn’t working and my spicy NAMBLA photos are not selling as well as they should (unless you want to buy some). So I NEED THE MONEY BUY THE JANUARY 23.
5: send me the infor mation to apply with your bank, what do you needs from me.
6: YES LETS BE GOOD OF COURAGE
7: WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME TO GET THIS MONEY FOR MY WHAT UPDILDO nambla LIBRARY?
Merry Christmas my chocolate man with tender nuts. Do you have a photograph of you that you can use for the NAMBLA membership card. Please send me a photograph!!
It doesn’t have to be below the waste or of your chocolate loin fruit, (that would be nce though)
Things I will need:
1: %50 of the money (to cover you NAMBLA membership)
2: a photograph of you for the membership newsletter
3: How many spicy photographs do you want to buy?
4: The bank address to send the spicy photos and the NAMBLA newsletter
5: all the mony by January 23.
I look forward to a loving tender relations ship with my chocolate African man friend (with nuts)
If you are a Christian, merry Christmas and celebrate the birth of our tender white lord. If you are not a Christian well then you should get back to raping small animals then.
MERY CHRISTMAS
MR. Topher Whatup DildoCrowder.
Vice President and Head Recruiter for the East Muskegon NAMBLA chapter
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Monday, December 27, 2010 5:34 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: Re: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Merry Christmas and New year in advance Mr Topher.
I have head you, by your serious active move this fund should be transferred to you in tow weeks time starting from the day the bank respond to you submitted application as the next of kin.
Gentleman i can only advice you to little bet slow down by your request, you see i still yet have not received your information's; because of this i can't feed you with every details! until i receive your information's that is where i can now bring every necessary details to you so that you know how to follow-up with the bank.
I am sorry my dear partner, for further request you my have to send your information's before any automatic response.
These are your personal information's needed
I repeat if you are interested, kindly forward your personal information’s as follows.-
Full name.-
Address.-
Telephone / Fax number.-
Marital Status.-
Copy of your picture
Profession.-
Age.-
Sex.-
Country.-
Anticipating your response Mr. Topher.
Thanks,
Mr. Habib Nurudine.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2010 12:50 AM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: I will need your cooperation if you are ready to please this transaction, merry Xmas Mr. Topher
Whatup dildo and merry Christmas. I hope you will have avery happy new year.
Hello, mr Habid assnurudine
How did you celebrate the birth of tender white baby jesus? Did you get all that you had wished for? I hope my chocolate man friend with big nuts got everything he wished for. I wish I had been under your tree Christmas morning. Maybe after I get my %50 we could run away together to some warn sunny sandy beach? Wouldn’t that be fun. Would you enjoy having me on a warm sandy beach all to yourself. Man, I have to stop that talk because I am getting tingly down there and I don’t want to wake mother.
I did as you instructed and have NOT killed mother YET. I will wait until you say so. I fear she may want some of my money and I don’t want to share. I will be happy to pay off the rent on our trailer house but that is it. She can go back to being a telephone entertainer and taking the neighbor men for rides in her bedroom, but I want to be with you on that sandy beach tasting your chocolate loin fruit.
What did you get for Christmas? Mother got me a bag of new sweat soxs, the ones that are smooth and don’t burn my adult areas when I pleasure myself. I also got a new library pass, I don’t know how mother did it. I thought I was banned for life. (They didn’t like me Xeroxing the NAMBLA newsletter there). You still haveint sent me you photograph for the NAMBLA newsletter and your membership card, I will need to have that soon.
OK OK lets get down to buisines before mother wakes up to relieve her self. She ate an entire canned ham and has the winds something fierce. I mean I had to open the windows because it smells so bad and its so cold out. I hope she hasn’t messed herself in bed, I am too frightened to check and I don’t want to wake her. I hope she hasent pooed on my side of the bed, that would be bad.
OK OK business time.
1: Full name: Mr. Topher Whatup Dildo Crowder
2: Full Address: 3162 Boltwood Trailer Number 12 by the water treatment pond
3: Phone number (I DON’T HAVE A FAX): 1-586-770-8536 ask for George
4: Marital Status: I am swinging single and ready for loving buy my new chocolate man friend
5: Copy of you picture: I have included one from the NAMBLA newsletter
6: Profesion: I am Vice President of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recruitement and massage center
6: Age: I am a boyish 48 years old (I hope you like older menz)
7: Sex: ALL MAN
8: country: united states of America and home to the tender president obama (did you know his father?)
NOW I WILL NEED SOME THINGS FROM YOU
1: YOUR PHOTOGRAPH FOR THE NAMBLA NEWS LETTER
2: YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN MAIL YOU YOUR NAMBLA MEMBERSHIP CARD.
THANK YOU and tender kisses to me chocolate man friend.
Here is wishing you a happy new year and whatup dildo.
Mr Topher whatup dildo crowder
Vice president of the east Muskegon NAMBLA recruitment and massage center
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2010 4:35 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: SEE ATTACH
Good day Topher.
I received your mail. this is very interesting, now convinced to be of trust with you.
SEE ATTACHED fillin the text of application and submit it to the bank by using the below E-mail address to contact the bank!
Note; from the moment you contact the bank whatever mail you receive as return from the bank forward to me so that i can advice you of how you are to respond in other for you not to make mistakes, also if you receive any invitation mail or litter similar to my please do not respond!!!! because the bank is going to put you on test to know if you were been told of this inheritance.
Thanks,
Mr. Habib Ali Nurudine.
Below is the bank contact.-
adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 3:05 PM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Cc: 'adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Hello and whatup dildo
Heloo and merry new year my chocolate man friend with huge salty nuts that probably taste like candy from sweet baby jesus.
OK OK, I got the attached letter. And I am trying my best to fill out all the needed info in a chance to get all my money before January 23 and mother and I are kicked out of our trailer.
But I have ran into a problem. I was getting some photos developed at our local market (spicy photos) and the girl printing my photos didn’t like wat I was doing (she is not a big art fan). She called the police and I had to spend my new years weekend in jail. Mother had to make a few appointments with some of the men at the trailer park to gain the money to get me out of jail. Mother says her jaw will be sore for weeks and I need to move out unless I get a job or find some money to pay her back. So I had to sell some of my NAMBLA magazine collection and sell my computer printer to pay some of her money back. Man, I hope this money you have promised me gets here soon…she is being mean to me. She wont let me sleep in our bed and is making me give her 3 sponge baths EVER DAY!!! You give me the word and I will KILL HER!!!! Please tell me it is all right to kill her!!
MR. HABIB I want to run away with you and away from all my toubles. Tell me you love me and want to be with me. I want to have tender man sex with you on a warm beach or in a sleeping bag. Tell me you want me inside of you.
I will do my best to fill out all the paperwork and send it as soon as possib;le. Please tell me you love me.
I love you and want to taste your loin fruit.
Happy new year my chocolate man love
Mr. Topher Whatup Dildo Crowder
Assistant vice president of the east Muskegon NAMBLA chapter
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Habib .A. Nurudine [mailto:habianudin1@blumail.org]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 5:08 AM
To: Topher Crowder
Subject: Re: SEE ATTACH
You idiot!!! you email the bank that i employed you to come reach out to the bank as the next of kin
now i am in big trouble right here in my country, i can only say weldone for the idiotic attitude of yours
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 8:17 PM
To: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Oh my and whatup dildo?
OH OH OH I AM SO SORRY. PLEASE DO NOT BE MAD AT ME. I was only trying to help. I am so sorry. What can I do to fix the problem. Can I send another letter to the bank saying that it is not about the money? I could say that we are lovers and that we were fightimng. Please I want to help because I really need the money. Mother has made me sell all my NAMBLA magazines and my computer printer and my Atari game. She says I still owe her A LOT of money for getting me out of jail on new years weekend. Please, my chocolate man, let me help and get this money. Don’t leave me alone and cold. I want you inside me.
Please mr. chocolate man with tasty nuts…let me help.
If it means killing my mother I WILL so we can be together. Just say the word I will do ANYTHING.
Also, could you send another bank form to fill out? I lost my copy somewhere in the trailer? I think mother stole it!!!!!
Please don’t shut me out…
Mr topher whatup dildpo crowder
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
From: Topher Crowder [mailto:tophercrowder@sbcglobal.net]
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 8:25 PM
To: 'adbfrd_net@yahoo.fr'
Cc: 'Habib .A. Nurudine'
Subject: RE: SEE ATTACH
Hell and whatup dildo?
Hello Mr. Bank man.
Mr. Habib Ass Nurudine asked me to contact you in regards to a letter I sent to you in error. I beg you to believe that it was a BIG mistake. You see Mr. Habib and myself have know each other since childhood and we are lovers. He and I love each other and I love him. He is like a brother to me…a loving chocolate brother with salty nuts. Please help us!!! Please work with him and allow him into my heart again. I fear he is mad at me and that I have lost his love. I can not live with out his moist throbbing love.
Please help me and my chocolate lover
Mr. Topher whatup dildo crowder
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